Blue crab cakes

My name is Derek. I've been on this planet for a little over 18 years.

Follow me on Twitter & Instagram: @derekmbarton
  • Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
  • Cashier: Are you 18?
  • Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

same with dan bilzerian. fuck dan bilzerian.

if you’re a dude who idolizes jordan belfort, we’re not off to a good start.

nothing quite gets on my nerves like people who indirectly grieve a death. they’ll say something like “i hadn’t talked to him/her since 1st grade and we weren’t all that good of friends but he/she was a great guy/girl and god bless him/her”. people like that need to keep their fucking mouthes shut. a person’s death shouldn’t be exploited like that so the person can suddenly look like a humanitarian and catch a few retweets. shut the fuck up and let people who actually suffered grieve.


In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been conducting a similar experiment.

(via hottestintheoffice)